Love Confessions: How to Affair Proof Your Relationship

Infidelity has got me all fired up this week… I could write, rant and rave about Jesse James. I could explain all the ways I feel embittered about the fact that I was such a fan of Jesse after watching him on Celebrity Apprentice, I mistakenly thought he exuded such a good guy quality.

I could drone on forever about heartbreaking it was to reflect on Sandra Bullock’s Academy Awards speech after the news of her husband’s alleged infidelity broke.

Yes I could do those things, but THAT would be a complete waste of my energy, and a waste of YOUR time for having read it, what it comes down to is this:

I just don’t get it; it feels like infidelity is everywhere; first John Edwards, David Letterman, Tiger Woods and now Jesse James.

Why cheat, why wander, why be unfaithful? Why bother.

Life is short, if you don’t want to be in a relationship and feel compelled to be with someone else I feel that you have two options:

1) Tell your partner the way you’re feeling and work on your relationship together
2) Leave you relationship, be with someone else

Cheating shouldn’t be an option, why does it become an option the option to so many? Why do countless people make such a complicated choice when things could be so simple?

Perhaps it’s a lack of making a choice that gets people into trouble? Perhaps they don’t weigh the options, they don’t think, they don’t consider… they just do.

What I really don’t understand is how does it get so bad that there’s room for infidelity to occur?

Is it a lack of intimacy, a lack of sex? Is it an ego thing, do they feel they need to prove something to themselves?

Who do people step out of their marriage?

That is something I hope to never be able to fully understand.

All this infidelity talk has got me thinking, is there a way to prevent it?

I am sure that infidelity is a result of a perfect storm, a multitude of situations, moments, emotions and occurrences; it’s not because of just one thing. But there has to be something proactive we can do, ways to prevent infidelity, ways to close the gap and make an affair a non-option.

I did some googling and this is what I found, I’ve compiled a list of the things that touched me the most:

Ways to Affair Proof Your Relationship or Marriage

Avoid complacency. Don’t ever take your relationship for granted. Relationships need to be nourished daily by a kind word, appreciation, a loving kiss, a smile. Complacency is a warning signal that you and your partner are out of touch with each other.

Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.

Hang Out with Happy Couples. If you’re hanging with a bunch of guys (or girls) that see nothing wrong with sleeping around, you are much more likely to do it yourself. The good news is that the opposite is also true. If you have a set of friends committed to their marriages, you will be less likely to cheat on your spouse.

Be who you desire. If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.

Make sex a regular thing. Don’t lose sight of how important sex is in keeping the flame alive in your relationship. Some couples resign themselves to saying things like ‘we don’t do that kind of thing anymore’, or ‘we’re just too tired.’ By not having a healthy sex life, you leave the door open to temptation from outside the marriage. Where desires are not being fulfilled, it’s not uncommon for eyes to begin to stray and one or both of you start to look for your needs to be met with others. So make having a good sex life, a part of your relationship.

Work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, “What can I do today that will make my marriage better.”

Don’t go there, Don’t put yourself in a threatening situation. Skip the conference in Hawaii with the colleague who flirts with you. If you absolutely have to go, avoid all opportunities to be alone with him.

Get fired up. Is your marriage in a rut? “Bored people are boring,” says Dr. Phil. Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.

Touch. Make touch a big part of your relationship. Don’t be afraid to hold hands, give hugs or kiss your partner. Touch is a key part of keeping your relationship intimate. By connecting with your partner in this way, it reinforces the intimacy in your relationship and shows that you love them

Talk about your spouse. I love this example, a married man explains that whenever he is alone with a woman he finds attractive and things are getting uncomfortable, he’ll start talking about his wife–what her hobbies are, and how much he loves her. It immediately kills the mood.

Flirt with your partner. Be playful with each other. Show affection in ways that they appreciate and by doing this you’ll keep your relationship fresh and full of vitality. Don’t be afraid to make loving and flirty comments about them, stroke their knee for example, and remember the things you used to do when you dated.

Don’t confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can’t expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.

Sources: 1, 2, 3 & 4

What do you do to affair proof your relationship?

Tagged as: Dr Phil, infidelity, love, marriage, Marriage Advice