Loving Marriage: How remarrying saved my marriage

The first year of our marriage was not an easy one. As we were approaching our first wedding anniversary it seemed as though everything in our life was going wrong and every single aspect of everyday life had become a pressure point.

Our Wedding Day

We owned our own home but chose to rent out the top level and live in the basement to save money for our next home (where we live now), which had been fine until the new tenants moved in.

These tenants looked perfect from the outside a young hardworking family; Mom, Dad and two kids. Things were perfect… for about 48 hours; then we realized they liked to argue LOUDLY, for hours, even days at a time. Then the fighting stopped, finally relief, and then we realized they like to have EVEN LOUDER makeup sex for hours at a time, many days in a row. We couldn’t sleep, we couldn’t relax, and we had no peace. Of course we asked them to be quiet; they would kindly agree at the time, but never changed their volume.

Right around the same time my husband opted to make a strategic career move which literally cut his salary in half, it was an excellent move in the long run and definitely paid off, but at the time it wasn’t easy.

We decided it was our best option, and besides we were both working full time and we had rental income so, we could make due; you know that thing they said about the best laid plans – well it’s true.

Shortly thereafter I got into a serious car accident and was going through intensive physical therapy and couldn’t work, I couldn’t drive, and I was completely housebound.

This new career of my husband’s, did I mention that it required him to go away for training Monday through Friday for a six week period?

Have you ever been in extreme physical pain, housebound, completely alone, strapped for cash, living in a basement with 3 windows the size of shoeboxes?

Have you ever been forced to listen to fighting and screaming FOR HOURS to then only be woken up in the middle of the night by the loudest, longest and raunchiest sex you’ve ever heard? If you have, I’m sure you’ll agree that this was not exactly the best time in my life – in fact, it was terrible.

Now envision what I was going through then, really wrap your mind around it… now imagine what it would be like to be the poor man that has to come home to my emotional and physical state.

Not only was I at my wits end, I was emotional, needy, exhausted and in pain. Take that and couple it with the fact that our house was a living nightmare; take the tenants and combine that with the reality that I was physically unable to hang laundry, clean the bathtub or even vacuum.

When he did come home, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the welcome home he was looking for. Of course he was sympathetic and caring, but he felt powerless about my physical pain, the tenants, our finances and the state of our life in general.

This was like the perfect storm to create an environment of martial contempt. There were times that I wondered if we’d both make it to our first wedding anniversary with an ounce of sanity still intact.

This past weekend I was listening to a podcast by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of ONE Extraordinary Marriage where they shared their reflections on marriage and spoke of the movie Fireproof and I was reminded of this time in our marriage, and how we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Renewing our vows on our first anniversary

I don’t remember whose idea it was, or how we even thought of it but we decided we should renew our wedding vows. This was honestly one of the best things we’ve ever done for the state of our marriage. We took a couple of days and drove to Niagara Falls to get remarried.

How did renewing our vows save our marriage? Life had become foggy, all the details and complications of our everyday world became so enormous that we lost perspective, lost sight of what we had wanted to create when we got married, we forgot the couple that we wanted to be, the type of spouse we had promised to be.

Standing there in that little chapel, exchanging those same vows all over again reminded us of our marital purpose; it renewed our faith in our love and our commitment.

On my wedding day, I said my vows to my husband with such conviction; I didn’t once waver… not a tear was shed. When we renewed our vows in an intimate ceremony shared between the two of us I was overcome with emotion, because this time I knew exactly what those vows meant, they held more significance one year later.

Renewing our vows gave our marriage focus again – exactly what we needed at the time. We have since renewed our vows every year on our wedding anniversary and each year I am so grateful to be reminded of what we intended for our marriage, I am so grateful to recommit myself to my husband and reconfirm our love.

Life went on… I recovered and got back to work, we moved out of the basement and into our first real home together (which included many windows, and was located in the quiet and peace of the country), my husband got promoted, life came back into perspective and as we grew together it was far less complicated. One things for sure, we will never forget that first year, it helps to remind us of how far we’ve come.

Tagged as: love, marriage, newlywed