Privacy in Marriage, How Much is Too Much Information?

by Shannon O · 31 comments

in Loving Marriage

This past weekend, I was watching the clip below that features Tori Spelling on the Today Show, talking about what it’s like to have the details of her marriage on public display and it made me think; marriage exhibitionism seems to be a current theme in our culture.

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Everyone’s business is everywhere, and we the public are wanting to know more. We must want to know more or these cover stories of infidelity, divorce, heartbreak or even wedded bliss wouldn’t be all over the place.

The media is a supply and demand machine, if there wasn’t an insatiable thirst to know the details of each marriage in the public eye, and then our culture wouldn’t be saturated with it. I can’t help but wonder what effect this lack of privacy in public life has on a marriage.

To me, the need for privacy in my own marriage is imperative.

I am a private person. My need for privacy could stem from my own resolve for independence, or it may have something to do with my instilled issues with abandonment (undoubtedly a product of loosing my mother at a young age, which was the first in a series of departures in my life), or it could be a consequence of the vocal disapproval that was expressed by some when my husband and I got married – they thought we prematurely rushed to the altar, it could be a result of growing up with a mother who knew seemed to know everyone in our city and was never guarded about sharing the details of her or our life in any way.

It wasn’t an uncommon thing for someone I barely knew to come up to me in the convenience store and ask about my last doctor’s appointment (of course, they’d been talking to my Mother), or for my brother’s latest crush to be revealed because my Mother shared it with Ryan’s Mother, who shared it with Ryan, who then told the entire class.

Yes, these are all probably contributing reasons why I am private. I didn’t intentionally become reserved about the details of my life; it’s something that happened slowly over time. More specifically I believe I became private about my marriage because as I grew up, my need for feedback and approval lessoned (noticed I said lessoned – I’m not cured). As I entered a grownup relationship with a man that was anything but inhibited with his feeling and thoughts, the need to share, analyze and conspire with others about my relationship faded.

Overtime our marriage became something personal, something to be cherished, and something private.

When I listen to the women I work with, I am always amazed at the details that they share with no one in particular and anyone in earshot.

“My husband spent $1000 dollars that we don’t have, without even consulting me”

“My husband was out with the boys drinking all night, he didn’t call to let me know he would be late and then eagerly expected sex when he got home”

“When we were at my in-laws this weekend and his Mother implied I was lazy he just stood there and said nothing, he never defends me”

It’s not just the negative things that surprise me; it’s the positive things as well.

“We had the hottest, most amazing sex this morning before I came to work”

“My husband bought me a new ring, it’s 2.6 carats, he spent a fortune”

“I’ll get on my knees for my husband, but I only swallow on his birthday”

Each time one of these pieces of information floats into our office or our lunchroom I want to close my eyes, cover my ears and say… too much information.

Maybe my stance is far too rigid, it’s entirely possible that healthy lives at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I’m sure it’s good to vent, we all have to do it to some extent – does it matter who and how many people we vent to? Is sharing the negative details about your marriage and your spouse an invasion of privacy, does it cheapen your relationship?

On the other end of the scale, is it good to boast? When you brag about the good things your spouse does, does that indicate pride for your relationship; is it a litmus test for happiness?

Perhaps I should give a full report each time my husband brings me flowers, buys me an expensive gift or does something thoughtful, but I don’t, unless someone asks, or it comes up in conversation – sometimes I even downplay birthday or Christmas gifts.

What do you think, is privacy important in marriage, does it matter what you share, with who, and how many?

{ 31 comments }

Happy Easter Dear Readers!

by Shannon O · 3 comments

in Uncategorized

Easter weekend has arrived; I have all 4 days off this year, which I have been very much looking forward to. It does feel like spring has sprung here in Ontario, finally – it’s warm enough outside to open all the windows and let in the spring breeze!

Hubby and I plan to spend our weekend getting ready for the warm weather by getting out the patio furniture, doing a little spring cleaning, spending time with family as we gather for Easter dinner and of course partaking in some quality couple time.

Check back on Tuesday for new content.

However you choose to spend your long Easter weekend, I hope you enjoy it.

{ 3 comments }

Loving Marriage: How remarrying saved my marriage

by Shannon O · 34 comments

in Loving Marriage,MGC

The first year of our marriage was not an easy one. As we were approaching our first wedding anniversary it seemed as though everything in our life was going wrong and every single aspect of everyday life had become a pressure point.

Our Wedding Day

We owned our own home but chose to rent out the top level and live in the basement to save money for our next home (where we live now), which had been fine until the new tenants moved in.

These tenants looked perfect from the outside a young hardworking family; Mom, Dad and two kids. Things were perfect… for about 48 hours; then we realized they liked to argue LOUDLY, for hours, even days at a time. Then the fighting stopped, finally relief, and then we realized they like to have EVEN LOUDER makeup sex for hours at a time, many days in a row. We couldn’t sleep, we couldn’t relax, and we had no peace. Of course we asked them to be quiet; they would kindly agree at the time, but never changed their volume.

Right around the same time my husband opted to make a strategic career move which literally cut his salary in half, it was an excellent move in the long run and definitely paid off, but at the time it wasn’t easy.

We decided it was our best option, and besides we were both working full time and we had rental income so, we could make due; you know that thing they said about the best laid plans – well it’s true.

Shortly thereafter I got into a serious car accident and was going through intensive physical therapy and couldn’t work, I couldn’t drive, and I was completely housebound.

This new career of my husband’s, did I mention that it required him to go away for training Monday through Friday for a six week period?

Have you ever been in extreme physical pain, housebound, completely alone, strapped for cash, living in a basement with 3 windows the size of shoeboxes?

Have you ever been forced to listen to fighting and screaming FOR HOURS to then only be woken up in the middle of the night by the loudest, longest and raunchiest sex you’ve ever heard? If you have, I’m sure you’ll agree that this was not exactly the best time in my life – in fact, it was terrible.

Now envision what I was going through then, really wrap your mind around it… now imagine what it would be like to be the poor man that has to come home to my emotional and physical state.

Not only was I at my wits end, I was emotional, needy, exhausted and in pain. Take that and couple it with the fact that our house was a living nightmare; take the tenants and combine that with the reality that I was physically unable to hang laundry, clean the bathtub or even vacuum.

When he did come home, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the welcome home he was looking for. Of course he was sympathetic and caring, but he felt powerless about my physical pain, the tenants, our finances and the state of our life in general.

This was like the perfect storm to create an environment of martial contempt. There were times that I wondered if we’d both make it to our first wedding anniversary with an ounce of sanity still intact.

This past weekend I was listening to a podcast by Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of ONE Extraordinary Marriage where they shared their reflections on marriage and spoke of the movie Fireproof and I was reminded of this time in our marriage, and how we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Renewing our vows on our first anniversary

I don’t remember whose idea it was, or how we even thought of it but we decided we should renew our wedding vows. This was honestly one of the best things we’ve ever done for the state of our marriage. We took a couple of days and drove to Niagara Falls to get remarried.

How did renewing our vows save our marriage? Life had become foggy, all the details and complications of our everyday world became so enormous that we lost perspective, lost sight of what we had wanted to create when we got married, we forgot the couple that we wanted to be, the type of spouse we had promised to be.

Standing there in that little chapel, exchanging those same vows all over again reminded us of our marital purpose; it renewed our faith in our love and our commitment.

On my wedding day, I said my vows to my husband with such conviction; I didn’t once waver… not a tear was shed. When we renewed our vows in an intimate ceremony shared between the two of us I was overcome with emotion, because this time I knew exactly what those vows meant, they held more significance one year later.

Renewing our vows gave our marriage focus again – exactly what we needed at the time. We have since renewed our vows every year on our wedding anniversary and each year I am so grateful to be reminded of what we intended for our marriage, I am so grateful to recommit myself to my husband and reconfirm our love.

Life went on… I recovered and got back to work, we moved out of the basement and into our first real home together (which included many windows, and was located in the quiet and peace of the country), my husband got promoted, life came back into perspective and as we grew together it was far less complicated. One things for sure, we will never forget that first year, it helps to remind us of how far we’ve come.

{ 34 comments }

Love Confessions: How to Affair Proof Your Relationship

by Shannon O · 33 comments

in Love Confessions,MGC

Infidelity has got me all fired up this week… I could write, rant and rave about Jesse James. I could explain all the ways I feel embittered about the fact that I was such a fan of Jesse after watching him on Celebrity Apprentice, I mistakenly thought he exuded such a good guy quality.

I could drone on forever about heartbreaking it was to reflect on Sandra Bullock’s Academy Awards speech after the news of her husband’s alleged infidelity broke.

Yes I could do those things, but THAT would be a complete waste of my energy, and a waste of YOUR time for having read it, what it comes down to is this:

I just don’t get it; it feels like infidelity is everywhere; first John Edwards, David Letterman, Tiger Woods and now Jesse James.

Why cheat, why wander, why be unfaithful? Why bother.

Life is short, if you don’t want to be in a relationship and feel compelled to be with someone else I feel that you have two options:

1) Tell your partner the way you’re feeling and work on your relationship together
2) Leave you relationship, be with someone else

Cheating shouldn’t be an option, why does it become an option the option to so many? Why do countless people make such a complicated choice when things could be so simple?

Perhaps it’s a lack of making a choice that gets people into trouble? Perhaps they don’t weigh the options, they don’t think, they don’t consider… they just do.

What I really don’t understand is how does it get so bad that there’s room for infidelity to occur?

Is it a lack of intimacy, a lack of sex? Is it an ego thing, do they feel they need to prove something to themselves?

Who do people step out of their marriage?

That is something I hope to never be able to fully understand.

All this infidelity talk has got me thinking, is there a way to prevent it?

I am sure that infidelity is a result of a perfect storm, a multitude of situations, moments, emotions and occurrences; it’s not because of just one thing. But there has to be something proactive we can do, ways to prevent infidelity, ways to close the gap and make an affair a non-option.

I did some googling and this is what I found, I’ve compiled a list of the things that touched me the most:

Ways to Affair Proof Your Relationship or Marriage

Avoid complacency. Don’t ever take your relationship for granted. Relationships need to be nourished daily by a kind word, appreciation, a loving kiss, a smile. Complacency is a warning signal that you and your partner are out of touch with each other.

Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.

Hang Out with Happy Couples. If you’re hanging with a bunch of guys (or girls) that see nothing wrong with sleeping around, you are much more likely to do it yourself. The good news is that the opposite is also true. If you have a set of friends committed to their marriages, you will be less likely to cheat on your spouse.

Be who you desire. If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.

Make sex a regular thing. Don’t lose sight of how important sex is in keeping the flame alive in your relationship. Some couples resign themselves to saying things like ‘we don’t do that kind of thing anymore’, or ‘we’re just too tired.’ By not having a healthy sex life, you leave the door open to temptation from outside the marriage. Where desires are not being fulfilled, it’s not uncommon for eyes to begin to stray and one or both of you start to look for your needs to be met with others. So make having a good sex life, a part of your relationship.

Work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, “What can I do today that will make my marriage better.”

Don’t go there, Don’t put yourself in a threatening situation. Skip the conference in Hawaii with the colleague who flirts with you. If you absolutely have to go, avoid all opportunities to be alone with him.

Get fired up. Is your marriage in a rut? “Bored people are boring,” says Dr. Phil. Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.

Touch. Make touch a big part of your relationship. Don’t be afraid to hold hands, give hugs or kiss your partner. Touch is a key part of keeping your relationship intimate. By connecting with your partner in this way, it reinforces the intimacy in your relationship and shows that you love them

Talk about your spouse. I love this example, a married man explains that whenever he is alone with a woman he finds attractive and things are getting uncomfortable, he’ll start talking about his wife–what her hobbies are, and how much he loves her. It immediately kills the mood.

Flirt with your partner. Be playful with each other. Show affection in ways that they appreciate and by doing this you’ll keep your relationship fresh and full of vitality. Don’t be afraid to make loving and flirty comments about them, stroke their knee for example, and remember the things you used to do when you dated.

Don’t confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can’t expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.

Sources: 1, 2, 3 & 4

What do you do to affair proof your relationship?

{ 33 comments }

Our Love Story- Part 5: Sold

by Shannon O · 11 comments

in Our Love Story

8 days after our first date happened to be Sell_Dude’s birthday. On the Friday night before his birthday, he invited me out for a birthday celebration with friends.

There was only one problem; the celebrating was going to take place in a karaoke bar.  I don’t do karaoke, it is NOT my thing. I don’t sing when anyone can hear me and I certainly don’t sing in public and for good reason.

Singing in tune is not on my list of attributes, I have no idea how to do so, and I venture to guess that I probably never will, when it comes to singing I am talent-less. But I was definitely up for having a good time and spending an evening with the man that I was reluctantly falling in love with.

So he picked me up and off we went, the bar was about 40 minutes away and we talked and held hands all the way there.

When we arrived, he introduced me to his friends and we had a few drinks… well I had a few drinks, he had one, he was driving (and he always drives birthday or no birthday, just the way he is). I was having a pretty enjoyable evening, for being at a karaoke bar with a bunch of people I had never met before.

There was chit chat and laughter, then all the sudden he stood up and walked to the microphone and started to sing Tim McGraw’s I Like It, I Love It, he even added my name into the song wherever he could.

I sat there in that bar, so red in the face; all I could do was smile.

My face was red partially because I was embarrassed, he was singing right to me and everyone in that bar knew it and they watched. He sang and I sat there, we never took our eyes off each other, everyone was hooting and hollering it was quite the display.

My face was not only red with embarrassment, but I was flushed – what kind of woman doesn’t get all hot and bothered when a guy she cares about gets up in front of a room full of people and sings a love song, I don’t care if he’s Adam Sandler or Enrique Iglesias and of course the 3 beers I’d had didn’t at all help to ease the rosiness of my cheeks.

The night went on and later he got up to sing another song, Sold by John Michael Montgomery, I got up at the end of that song and kissed right in front of the whole bar, it was his birthday party after all, what can I say?

All the way home that night I kept saying “I can’t BELIEVE you did that, just got up there and sang me a song”.

I could NOT believe it; I was stunned, shocked and amazed. In retrospect, I understand why.

I had never been with the type of guy that would just do that, get up and sing a song for me, like I’ve explained before, I was used to being the one that held the reigns, I was used to being the confident gregarious person in a relationship, I had never before dated someone who wasn’t content to fade into the background somewhere behind me.

I’m in my most intimate of relationships I’m strong willed, vivacious, driven and persistent. I can be loud, opinionated and talkative. When I am comfortable, I can take up at a lot of space and unknowingly eclipse the man in my life.

It was that night that I realized I had met my match, someone who was strong enough and substantial enough to be my equal, someone who could unapologetically hold his own and stand beside me.

As we were driving home, it just hit me and I knew had to say it, so I just blurted it out, “I LOVE YOU.”

He pulled over the truck right away and asked “What did you say?” I looked at him square in the eye and said it again, “I love you.” And he looked at shocked as I had felt when he took the microphone in his hand and started to sing.

It was the first time in our relationship that I had taken a first step, the first time that I had initiated anything.

He started to beam and said, “I love you”. Then he got an odd look on his face, so I said “What’s with that look?” he replied “I’ve known that I love you for days, I just can’t believe that YOU love me, that’s the best birthday present I’ve ever had”. Then we kissed and kissed and KISSED so long and passionately it felt like we were on that side of the road for hours.

But the birthday celebrations didn’t end there, it was the next day that he finally got exactly what he had been after from the first time he asked me out.

To be continued…

Previous:  Our Love Story- Part 4: Inseparable, our courtship

Check back next week for Part 6.

{ 11 comments }

Loving Food: Bacon

by Shannon O · 10 comments

in Loving Food

There was a time that I despised cooking bacon; I avoided it at all costs…  When I cooked it on the stovetop, there was the spatter of hot bacon grease which made a mess and of course inevitably, the hot grease would spit up at me, which is never enjoyable.

Then I tried cooking it in the microwave, it was a struggle… always undercooked or overcooked and no matter how many layers of paper towel I embedded the bacon between, the microwave was always a mess of bacon grease when the cooking was done.

Then one day I went to my dear friend Debbie’s for dinner, she was making a Caesar salad I watched as she prepared the bacon.

She laid the strips of bacon out on a broiler pan – a broiler pan; yes that’s what that thing is called in case you were wondering…

I frankly did not know what a broiler pan was, prior to that evening; I just thought it was this odd slotted thing that came with ovens.

Anyway, as I was saying… she laid the strips of bacon onto the broiler pan and simply put it in the oven. No spattering mess, no bacon grease, no burns to speak of.

The bacon fat drains through the slots in the broiler pan and it collects in the bottom sheet. When the bacon looks done, simply pull it out of the oven and lay the bacon onto a few sheets of paper towel, it’s that easy.

The bacon comes out perfectly every time and it doesn’t curl up and misshape, it looks as fabulous as it tastes.

This was life changing! Bacon is no longer my enemy; I happily add bacon to my Caesar salad, my perogies my baked potatoes or whatever meal my husband figures he can somehow incorporate bacon into (the man LOVES his bacon).

How to Cook Bacon in the Oven

  1. Preheat oven to 375 F
  2. Lay bacon on the broiler pan, season with some freshly cracked black pepper
  3. Put it on the oven for 20-30 minutes, depending on the thickness of the bacon and how crispy you like it
  4. Remove bacon from pan, immediately transfer to a plate layered with paper towel, cover bacon with another layer of paper towel and gently press down, this helps to remove any lingering bacon grease, serve immediately

The end result is bacon perfection… bake your bacon, who would of thought.

Do you cook your bacon in the oven? I am the only person on the planet that is new to this method?

{ 10 comments }

Loving Home: Do you clean on schedule?

by Shannon O · 13 comments

in Loving Home

Do you have a strict weekly or monthly routine for cleaning that allocates what needs to be done and when?

I’ve heard myths about people who follow a cleaning agenda according to the days of the week and the weeks of the month. For example: Monday – Laundry, Tuesday-Dusting, Wednesday-Bathrooms, third Monday of every month clean the light fixtures etc.

The idea of course behind this is so that your home is always cleaned on schedule, things get done exactly as often as they SHOULD get done.

As you probably know by now, I’m not so big on “should”. One of my favourite sayings from my mother’s repertoire of words of wisdom is:

Stop shoulding all over yourself!

Should is a word I loath, too often I find myself consumed with what  I should be doing as opposed to what I am doing in the moment.

As I’ve often shared here my Mother was not exactly a domestic goddess and she had little to no patience to teach me much about domestics.

Most things I do know about cleaning I actually learned from my Father, who did, at the best of times, have immense patience and a desire to teach me about how to do things. He has a precise way to do everything; I used to find it so annoying when I loaded the dishwasher and he would bring me back to the dishwasher to explain why the way I loaded it was ineffective and would therefore result in dishes X, Y and Z not being cleaned properly. He would then go on to explain the laws of gravity and hydro physics so that I could understand how to load the dishwasher most effectively next time…. And I would use every ounce of self control to stop myself from saying, WHO REALLY CARES DAD, and AT THE END OF THE DAY DOES IT REALLY MATTER HOW THE DISHWASHER IS LOADED?

But you know what? To this very day, I can still load a dishwasher like nobody’s business and I’m so grateful he was so eager for me to learn; now I wish I had paid attention more.

What my mother did teach me was how to clean the bathroom and how to clean a stainless steel sink. Those became my jobs, each time company came over it was my job to clean the bathrooms, tidy the kitchen and polish the stainless steel sink.

And of course a drawback of loosing your mother at a young age is that when you’re an adult she’s not there as a resource to ask the questions that never seemed important as a child like, how often should I move the couch and vacuum underneath, how often do I need to defrost the freezer?

While I’m generally opposed to “shoulds” I am interested to understand the general guidelines for keeping a home. My coworkers and I were discussing this at the lunch table the other day and I was intrigued by how their answers varied. Some mop their floor each day, others mop their floor once a week, and others simply sweep and mop their floor every other week.

Looking for some more definitive answers I did some research.

I checked a couple of resources and generally the following tasks were recommended to be done daily:

Dishes, laundry, tidying, taking out the trash

The following tasks were recommended to be done weekly:

Vacuum and mop the floors, vacuum carpets and rugs, dust, polish wooden furniture, clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, change and wash bed sheets

The following tasks were recommended to be done monthly:

Dust ceiling fans, clean light fixtures, dust air vents, clean walls, clean window treatments, dust intensively, and vacuum inside furniture, clean exterior windows, spot treat carpet and upholstery, check smoke alarms, change filters, deep clean appliances.

The following tasks were recommended to be done on a seasonal basis:

Clean out closets, pantries and drawers, vacuum mattresses, inspect and perform maintenance on your heating and cooling units, clutter control in closets, cupboards pantry and lastly wipe down baseboards.

Sources: 1, 2

Some of these things I do more often than listed above. For example I could never wipe my baseboard down only on a seasonal basis, ours are white, wide and intricate and we have 2 cats, need I say more?

There were other things I do way less, like clean the exterior windows on a monthly basis. That is something I can promise you will never happen in our house. We have many big windows and I’m afraid of heights, so if and when they get done will be completely depend on my husband. Besides, whoever wrote that must not live in Canada because can you imagine cleaning your exterior windows in the dead of winter… I don’t think so.

Do you follow a cleaning schedule? What techniques do you use to keep your cleaning routine? Please share.

{ 13 comments }

I like it… I love it: Tetley’s Dream Camomile Lemon Tea

by Shannon O · 3 comments

in I like it... I love it.

(Also called Tetley’s Dream Chamomile Lemon Tea)

This week I’ve been trying to bring some balance back into my life in general and allow myself some relaxation.  In light of this focus, I thought I would share with you my favourite relaxing and calming teas, Tetley’s Dream Camomile Lemon Tea.

My Review: Of my vast collection of teas, this is one of my favourite herbal teas. I pour myself a cup of Tetley’s Dream Camomile Lemon Tea most evenings. Once I’m in my PJs, I curl up in bed with a cup of this tea right before I go to sleep.

On the side of the canister it states:

“May the dreamy warmth of camomile blended with hints of fresh lemon bring the sleepiest slumber.”

Indeed, I believe it does, camomile (also spelled chamomile) tea has been used throughout the ages as a very effective sleep aid.

The chamomile flower contains relaxants and is an anti-spasmodic. That might help give you the edge you may need to fall asleep. Chamomile tea, which is made from the dried flowers and leaves of this common plant, is most effective when sipped a half an hour to forty-five minutes before going to bed.

What sets this tea apart is the perfect combination of the camomile and the lemon. The lemon is a complimentary citrus addition to the classic taste of camomile tea. It has the same relaxing and calming properties, but with the added refreshment of lemon this tea is not only soothing, but it tastes good too.

In the past I’ve drank some camomile tea to help relax me before bed, I simply wanted the soothing qualities of the camomile, instead of having a pleasant experience I was more so just trying to get it down.

This tea offers the same function of your typical camomile tea but it’s also lovely to drink and enjoy.

Tetley’s Dream Camomile Lemon Tea – I like it… I LOVE IT!

Price: $3.49- $4.99 CDN

Can be found at: Any grocery store, it’s even available at the rural grocery store in our small town.

Give this cozy cup of tea a try and let me know what you think.

Benefits of camomile sources: 1, 2 & 3

{ 3 comments }

Loving Quick and Easy Ways to Relax

by Shannon O · 9 comments

in Uncategorized

All this talk about To-Do lists and balance has made me realize, sometimes a girl just needs to take a step back and relax – even when there’s no time to do so.

So when trying to come up with a quick and easy topic, I thought quick and easy ways to relax was completely appropriate and extremely timely.

After some research, these are all ways to relax that I love and hope to participate in very soon:

1. Draw a hot bath, pour a glass of wine and light a candle.

Few things can be as relaxing as a hot warm bath after a stressful day. A bath can be physically and emotionally rejuvenating. The heat, warmth and water relax the body, while the atmosphere can sooth and refresh the mind.

What creates a better atmosphere than wine and candles? If you enjoy a glass of wine take one into the bathroom with you, as it can help you relax.

Lavender, vanilla, sandalwood and spearmint are soothing scents to look for when purchasing special candles. The simple act of lighting a candle creates a soothing environment for you to relax in.

(HUSBANDS: Want to something loving for your wife to help her to be relaxed, recharged and more present? Draw the woman you love a hot bath, pour her a glass of wine, light some candles and give her uninterrupted time alone – she will be so grateful.)

2. Meditate/Deep breathe. Inhale deeply through your nostrils then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat several times until you begin to feel calm. This will help to de-stress you quickly. When breathing in, imagine peace coming in and filling your being, when exhaling, or breathing out, imagine stress and problems leaving you. I love this visualization, I use it in yoga class all the time.

3. Five minutes of quiet time. Retreat to a room alone and close the door behind you. Sit comfortably in a chair, on a bed, or cross-legged on the floor and practice deep-breathing. Simply taking five minutes to retreat to your own space can provide a calming effect. You will begin to feel your body relax almost immediately.

4. Go for a 10-minute walk. Nature is extremely relaxing. Put on your walking shoes and enjoy the scenery. Keep your chin up as you walk and remember to breathe deep and take in the scenery around you. Breathe deeply as you walk, note the signs of spring and be in the moment.

5.  Smile. Just sit there and smile. Smiling releases endorphins; this fights stress and helps you to relax. Even if it feels strange at first, make it a point to smile more often. My mother always told me to fake till I make it and in this instance she was right, somehow by creating happy and relaxed body language, you become more happy and relaxed.

We are just like Pavlov’s dogs. We smile when we are happy, but we can cheat our psyches by smiling first and becoming lighter next. So smile, smile big.

What are you going to do today to relax? You deserve it.

{ 9 comments }

Loving Marriage: Married With Forever in Mind?

by Shannon O · 14 comments

in Loving Marriage,MGC

Do you live everyday questioning whether your marriage will end? Or do you live everyday as if your marriage will last forever?

If you do conduct each day as if your marriage is for eternity, does that mean you take your marriage for granted? Or if you are constantly evaluating the state of your marriage, are you pessimistic about your relationship?

These are some questions that have been brought to my attention recently; I was surprised by my own answers.

I read many blogs each and everyday. My Google Reader is constantly filled with new incites, wisdom, pieces of advice, observations and experiences shared.

I was recently inspired by a thread of posts that provided some commentary about how the environment in which you were raised can inspire the way you view the institution of marriage as a whole.

It started with a post from Kathleen, explaining that the way she was raised meant that divorce has never been an option to her, her culture raised the stakes on divorce, making it so taboo that couples had to make their marriage work to avoid becoming an outcast in their community.

Next was a follow-up post from Mrs. Levine, where she talked about being raised in a family rampant with divorce. She had never seen an example of a successful marriage, never mind a marriage that goes the distance. Most distinctively, Mrs. Levine was raised with the distinct fundamental understanding that forever marriages simply don’t occur.

The frankness that came from these two women was profound; this thread left me filled with many questions.

After much contemplation, I can’t help but feel as though I’m somewhere in the middle…

When I married, I married with forever in mind; the I’ll love you for forever and a day type of marriage.

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you. – Winnie the Pooh

I never thought in my own lifetime that I would ever be able to say that I was raised around anything BUT the premise that marriages are forever.

Then when I was 21 my mother died, although my parents were married for 32 years, it wasn’t forever… It was 32 years, period, end of story and an abrupt end at that.

Then I thought, my Dad would never find love again, Mom was his person, his other-half, his everything. I believed that if he ever married again it would be to someone he mostly liked and could tolerate… most of the time.

I believed that if he did find someone he wanted to marry, he would marry her for companionship, it wouldn’t be the I love you till forever type of marriage, it would be the you’re here and I don’t want to die alone type of marriage.

Then he got married again… it wasn’t at all what I thought. He met his match, found love, he found happiness and dare I say from my perspective, he found someone who is even better suited for him than my mother ever was.

What I realized is that, people can love each other, do their best, be happy and make it work. People can find what feels like forever and for a rare few, they will be married forever and a day.

But what it comes down to is this, things happen and marriages end. People divorce, people die and life goes on. It’s not whether you believe in forever, it’s whether you trust yourself enough to cope whenever forever comes to an end.

You can believe in forever, hope for forever, build your life around forever but reality dictates that life does not promise forever.

What have I learned from all this?

Build your marriage to persevere, with forever in mind…

But love like each day may be your last together, never take it for granted…

And live with the faith that you have the capacity to continue if life puts a period where you never expected.

Thanks to Kathleen and Mrs. Levine for the thought provoking content, thanks to my Daddy and his lovely wife for inspiring me to believe that love is always meant to bring out your very best.

Above all, thank you to my husband for being brave enough to promise me forever, in spite of an upbringing which dictated everything but.

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